Recently, Ron Artest posted on his blog, (YES, RON ARTEST HAS A BLOG) a letter to Tiger Woods.
Our crack staff at That NBA Lottery Pick (mainly a monkey in a top hat) has decoded the message to find out what Ron Artest was really saying.
Dear Tiger,
In reading the statements you have made, I can tell you are a stand up guy. Please remember only Jesus is perfect.
(WOAH, WOAH, I thought Kobe Bryant was perfect?)
You made a mistake and you admitted your infidelity.
(Technically yes, he still hasn't said "I CHEATED")
I have made the same mistakes. Before I got married to my wife, I had a baby with another young lady, after I already had two by my girlfriend who is now my wife. We also had another baby which makes three for us and four for me. Two boys and two girls.
(Jerry Springer just called me, he seems interested on this)
My wife is a much better wife than I am a husband. We still argue and disagree after
being together 16 years. and I still cope with the fact that there are so many women out there and I choose to stay loyal to my wife.
(That's where Ron Artest "one ups" Tiger Woods)
I want to be home every night, but with traveling I can’t, and sometimes I might want to go to a bar or club and be one of the fellas. Most of the time I stay in, because I have my kids and wife.
(Unless you have a time-machine or at least a body-double)
I cannot sit here and say the thought to have many women has never crossed my mind. If I were Jesus I could.
I have known my wife for 16 years– since I was 14 years old.
She was my first.
(Yep, I was tappin' that way back then. (Editor note: TMI TMI TMI)
On the way to 2010 we had many ups and downs on the way, mostly my fault. But I really choose to work hard and play ball to support her and my kids. The same reason you are building your legacy.
(That's how women get you, they blame you for all their problems regardless of fault. Also, we don't really have any other useful skills anyway)
I have been disturbed by this because there are many people who are happy that this bad news has come out.
(Seriously, what is wrong with this people? I'm talking about you Perez Hilton)
There are a lot of sports announcers and regular reporters who are not perfect in their own homes, yet they want to bring you down.
(The only problem is that we're famous and those people are not)
You have done so much for people, the sport of golf, and your family and you gave your wife a life that people can’t even dream of.
(Dude, Seriously. Why can't you be happy? I would be)
I thought you were 36 or 37 until I read the news today. A 33-year-old man who has been a model citizen with so much at stake. This is your first publicly known issue since you started your career, compared to my 50 or more publicly known issues and mistakes.
(Yep, I have made alot of mistakes, however even my fight with fans in Detroit will never top this.)
You have been the perfect role model for me and my sons for longer than anyone I have known.
With the exception of a few legends.
As your fan, I can’t wait to see you golf again.
And us athletes know how much you personally love your family.
(Let me get the list started: Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, Marion Jones, Ben Johnson, Barry Bonds, .........)
One love,
Ron Artest
This is just a fan mail letter to Tiger Woods fans and indirectly to Tiger himself.
Please, everyone support Tiger in these tough times for his family.
(Yep, most of us can obviously support someone who cheated on his wife a rumored ten times. Hey at least, he didn't kill dogs like Mike Vick)
Also if you are a sports announcer or regular everyday reporter or blogger please step up like Tiger and tell your wife or husband if you have any skeletons in your closet. Especially if you were one of the few attacking TIGER!!
One Love People
(Yep, step up like I did at the Malace in the Palace and start wailing on people. Also, the blogger code of ethics allows me to go after anyone who attacks Tiger. Bring It on Tru Believers)
(Courtesy of RonArtest.com)